marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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