Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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