Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
