i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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