i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
