sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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