Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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