I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
