i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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