I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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