Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
