shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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