He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
