My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
