i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
