wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
