I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
