It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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