I think my fart just growled at me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize