My friends, they love my intelligence
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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