I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
