hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
