Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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