Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
