I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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