Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
