please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
