I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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