I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
