apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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