this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize