Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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