Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
