Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
