I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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