Who did Billy Mays play for?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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