Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
