i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i will never coherently bang her
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
