I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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