my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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