I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
