I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
