You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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