This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
