i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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