He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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