Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
