i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
