Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
where am i from again
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize