That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
