To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
someone owes me an orgasm
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
