I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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