i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
even my farts smell like vagina
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
