so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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