New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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