dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Randomize
