i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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