dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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