I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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