You're so nebulous sometimes
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
