then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
should my penis look like a turkey
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
