I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
