Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I think I just sharted jello shots
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
