We're facebook friends in real life
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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