New low: just hacked my moms facebook
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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