bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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