Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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