im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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