Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
