I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
