Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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