Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize