I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
