OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I am available for nakedness
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
