i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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