Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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