Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
