I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize
